don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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