I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
