hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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