I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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