I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
