is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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