Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
