I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
