ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
