put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
