The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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