so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize