im six kinds of drunk right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
