I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
