I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize