yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
