I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
