you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
