I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
