Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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