After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
