she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's blow job season.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
