It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
