the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
