I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
