I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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