i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
