She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
