i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize