Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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