So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
