mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
