ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
