I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
