I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
