Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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