I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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