I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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