the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
