U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
