Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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