My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize