I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
