Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
