STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
