I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
