that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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