i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
soo... how was my night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
