I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize