Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
