I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
