Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
