Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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