you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
