Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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