Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
