Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
