Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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