5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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