it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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