everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
