I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
