Don't you send me to vm
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
