3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
