It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's never too late to be topless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I smell like Dick and happiness
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize