Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
